I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
