I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
