Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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