I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
