I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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