I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
