It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
