He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
