i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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