Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
