Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
