I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize