Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
