I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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