What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
