it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
