a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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