White coat. Heels.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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