I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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