haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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