i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
