I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize