How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
