no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
