So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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