yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
