Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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