i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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