4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
