there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
