News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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