I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
