My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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