i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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