Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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