There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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