So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
