Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize