Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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