just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
