i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Screwed.edu
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
