good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
