but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
