he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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