I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
BRING THE BAGELS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
