I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
