Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize