I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My penis needs a shock collar
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
