hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have post one night stand depression
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