He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
