I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How naked do you want me to be?
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