Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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