Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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