Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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