wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize