Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
