Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
