it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My feet surprised me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
