I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's shark week go big or go home
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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