gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
