so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
