We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
