She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize