vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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