Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its not stalking. its research.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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