he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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