she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
