Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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