You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
