I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
