he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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