youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
