so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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